The Rescuer: When Helping Creates Dependency

Have you ever noticed that delegation is super easy when you give someone a small, simple responsibility?

And how it tends to get a lot harder when you hand someone a larger, more complex responsibility — especially as you see them struggle with it?

Maybe they’re moving slower than you would.
Maybe they make a decision you wouldn’t have made.
Maybe they hit a problem you already know how to solve.

And now you have a choice…

I’ve seen this pattern with well-intentioned leaders often enough that I’ve started calling it The Rescuer.

The Rescuer genuinely wants people to grow. They give someone more responsibility because they believe in them and want to see them develop.

Then they hit a roadblock and the struggle begins.

The leader (the delegator) sees it, knows they could solve it faster, and quickly steps in to help.

That decision to step in almost always comes from a good place. After all, nobody wants to stand there and watch another person fail unnecessarily.

And so the Rescuer takes over.

In the moment, the rescue itself proves successful. The problem gets solved. The customer gets taken care of. The deadline gets met. Everyone moves on.

But what happens to the person who was originally given the responsibility?
What did they learn?
Did they become more capable because of the experience?
Did they gain confidence that they can work through something difficult?

Or did they learn that when the situation gets hard enough, someone above them will eventually step in and take over?

That’s where good intentions can begin creating something a leader never intended to create.

Dependency… An accidental core value?

The responsibility was delegated, but ownership never fully transferred.

And after that happens a few times, a pattern can start forming. The person becomes more hesitant.
They check back more often.
They want approval before moving.
They bring problems back instead of working through them.

Eventually, most leaders get frustrated, asking themselves…

Why won’t they take ownership?
Why do they keep coming back to me?
Why aren’t they more confident?

Those are fair questions.

But there may be another one worth asking:

What have I taught them to expect when things get difficult?

Questions like that change how I think about accountability, and I’m hoping it does the same for  you.

Because what might look like an accountability problem may actually be dependency… and sometimes the person most frustrated by that dependency has unknowingly helped create it.

Over time, dependency can become an accidental attribute of the culture.

That doesn’t mean a leader should stand back and watch somebody crash.

People need support. They need perspective.

And let’s be honest, there are times when stepping in is exactly the right thing to do.

The challenge is knowing the difference between helping someone carry responsibility and taking the responsibility back… “rescuing” them from their struggle.

That difference is significant because the goal of true delegation isn’t simply getting something off your plate.

You’re developing someone who can carry more than they could before.

And, like learning how to ride a bicycle, development almost always causes some amount of struggle.

They’re having to think through a problem they haven’t faced before, making a decision without knowing exactly how it will turn out, or discovering that their first approach didn’t work and now they need to try something else.

Those experiences are where confidence gets built.

Which leads me to a question I recently asked a VP of Operations…

“What are you teaching people to expect when things get hard?”

“Because if you keep solving the problem for them, you may fix what’s in front of them while making it harder for them to handle the next one.”

Don’t miss this:  there’s a restraint required in developing people that doesn’t get talked about enough.

Sometimes you already know the answer. Sometimes you know exactly what you would do.

And the best thing you can offer may be a question, some perspective, or enough space for the other person to work through it themselves.

That requires confidence because you have to tolerate some uncertainty.

It also requires humility because you have to resist proving that you’re the one with the answer.

I think the strongest leaders learn how to do both.

They stay close enough that people know they’re supported, while leaving enough ownership with the other person that they can become stronger because of the experience.

That’s how responsibility becomes development.

And eventually, that’s how you get more people around you who can lead.

James
Founder, Leave It Better Leadership™